When I Find Peace of Mind
by Wandering Violinist
Summary: Quinn must navigate through a strange place to regain her memories, both good and bad. Post-"On My Way"


_Note: This is my take on post-3x14. I've been working on it for a while, and I like the way it's turned out (although I did have trouble with the title- I wanted to simply call it "Going to the Chapel" but I was afraid that wouldn't be edgy enough or something). It's meant to be a bit strange (I think, maybe that's the wrong word for it though), so hopefully it sounds that way, and hopefully it isn't too hard to follow.  
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><p><em>Going to the chapel and we're<em>

_Gonna get married..._

_Going to the chapel of love…_

Quinn was running, running through a white fog with no end in sight. The whiteness was oppressive and the singing voices above and around her strange, but they were overshadowed by a fierce desire to escape. Wherever the voices were coming from was where Quinn would find an exit, at least that's what she hoped. She couldn't remember how long she'd been in this white haze; in fact, she didn't know exactly _where_ she was.

The voices grew a bit distant, and Quinn froze. She couldn't lose the voices. If she lost them, she feared she would be trapped there forever. Was it just some sort of bad dream? Was she in class at that moment, just having a weird daydream she couldn't get out of? No, it seemed more like a nightmare, one in which she was trapped on a desolate misty island with no easy way out. Following the singing voices was probably Quinn's best bet. She turned around and walked a bit until she was sure the voices grew louder. Then she ran again.

_Spring is here, the sky is blue_

_Birds all sing as if they knew…_

_Today's the day, we'll say "I do"_

_And we'll never be lonely anymore…_

Quinn paused. The voices… weren't just any voices. They belonged to her friends. Perhaps if she called to them, they would respond and show themselves, or at least stop singing as if on a never-ending loop. "Kurt! Tina! Artie! Santana! Rachel…" As soon as _that _name escaped her lips, Quinn felt her heart skip a beat. But all she did was speak Rachel's name. She'd said it many times before, hadn't she? So why did she feel so strange, so distraught? There was no point in dwelling on that, Quinn decided, as the desire to escape pushed her forward once again.

After running for an indeterminable amount of time, Quinn found herself at the entrance to a mazelike structure. She bit her lip and walked forward, touching one of the walls and discovering that it was cold, hard, and metallic. She couldn't bust through as if it were made of shrubs, no, unfortunately this maze was something she'd have to figure out the hard way.

_Bells will ring_

_The sun will shine…_

The singing slowly faded as Quinn made her way further into the maze. _God, that was eerie… _She walked carefully through the maze, her pink dress providing the only contrast to the dark walls that surrounded her. As she made her way around a corner, Quinn could barely make out a figure in the distance. She ran toward it, and as soon as the figure turned around, Quinn realized that she had hit a dead end.

"Santana?" she said, keeping her distance from the scowling Cheerio. "What are you doing here? What's going on?"

"Oh, I think you know, Q," Santana said, inspecting the front of her dress, which was identical to Quinn's.

"Why are you dressed like that?"

"You know that too," she answered with a frown. "Now turn around and get out of here."

"Why should I listen to you? Answer my questions first!"

"Dammit, Q, stop hesitating!" Santana shoved Quinn away from the dead end and an image flashed in her mind. Quinn saw a road, stretching out endlessly in front of her on a random afternoon. At least she assumed it was just a random afternoon. _Why am I seeing this? What does it mean?_ Quinn still had no idea where she was or what she was supposed to do, but she decided that it was best to continue. If anything, she _had to_ get out of that maze.

All of a sudden, Quinn found herself in an empty choir room, the exact same one in which the glee club rehearsed. The emptiness of the room was unsettling, and as she walked up to the piano in the center of the room, two figures materialized nearby.

"So you're stuck, huh? Didn't get away fast enough." Quinn glanced towards the voice and saw Santana and Brittany seated by the wall. They sat there like they did in rehearsals, holding hands and smiling slyly at Quinn.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you know what we do when no one's looking?" Santana smirked and twirled a strand of Brittany's hair on her index finger. "We do all the things you _wish_ you could do… with _her_."

"What are you talking about?" Quinn gritted her teeth. Maybe she was on some weird drug trip or something. She'd never consciously done drugs, but she had no other explanation for what she was experiencing.

"San, I don't think she's getting it…"

"She's not going to if she keeps denying everything."

Quinn crossed her arms. "What am I denying?"

"Everything! You're denying who you really are! What you had planned to do before this happened! All of it!"

Quinn felt her heart falling. "Wh-what… happened? Please… I don't know. I can't be denying anything… because I can't remember anything."

Santana's expression grew softer, and Brittany rested her head on Santana's shoulder. "You're in love, Q. You've been in love for a while. Then something happened, and now you're here. You just have to try to remember. Just keep going. It'll all come back to you, but you have to do it on your own."

The two Cheerios slowly vanished, along with the choir room, and Quinn found herself back in the maze. Shivering, she uncrossed her arms and walked forward, wishing that Santana hadn't been so cryptic. _How does Santana know more about me than I do? What _is _this place?_

After walking for what seemed forever, Quinn found herself at another dead end. She shook her head, fearing she would be trapped in that dark maze forever. As soon as she closed her eyes, Quinn was seemingly transported to another place. She was in a park on a sunny afternoon, seated on a swing watching children play in the distance. Quinn took in her surroundings and smiled, until she was startled by a familiar voice.

"Nice day, isn't it?" Kurt smiled at her as he sat on the neighboring swing and she smiled back uneasily. "Oh, don't be so tense! We're at a park; it's supposed to be fun! What's on your mind?"

Quinn frowned. "I… think I've forgotten something really important. I don't know if anyone can help me…"

"Well, _I_ can certainly try," Kurt said confidently. "Do you have any idea what it might be that you've forgotten?"

"I… I think I was in love with someone… maybe I still am. But how could I have been if I don't remember?"

Kurt smiled and looked at the playground in front of them. "Hm… I think I know. It must be in your heart. Your heart will never forget, even if your mind fails to recall it. Maybe if you listen to your heart, the memories in your head will return. You'll see more clearly if you open yourself up to your emotions. Don't repress them anymore, don't hide them away."

Quinn smiled softly, feeling at ease after hearing Kurt's words. "Thank you…" She thought for a moment then frowned again. She feared that it wouldn't be that easy, that perhaps whatever comes after remembering would be more difficult.

"Blaine! We're over here!" Kurt beamed as Blaine made his way to the swing set from the park nearby. The two of them embraced and Quinn felt a pang of sadness in her chest, mixed with a bit of envy, though she didn't know why.

"You better get going," Blaine said encouragingly to Quinn. "She's waiting for you."

"_Who_ is waiting?"

"The star whose light has guided you for so long. But she can't keep shining on her own. She needs _you _to be there with her."

"And you need _her_," Kurt added.

The park, the swing set, and everyone there slowly faded away, and Quinn shut her eyes. In her mind she saw the words "ON MY WAY" displayed on a cracked cell phone screen. Then Rachel's image flashed briefly by and Quinn opened her eyes, having returned to confinement in the steely maze. She shivered as she turned away from the dead end, continuing to navigate slowly through the labyrinth. There was hardly any sound as she walked, and the silence seemed as if it were creeping up on her from all sides, preparing to choke her. Afraid and confused, Quinn began speaking aloud; trying to recollect her memories and keep herself from screaming for the help that she knew wouldn't come.

"So, I'm… in love with someone. But I don't know who it is… am I here because of them? And why do I keep seeing Rachel in my mind? Why is she so… _special?_"

Quinn stepped on something, producing a scraping, metallic noise, and she stepped back, looking down at her feet. Before her were numerous pieces of twisted up metal, possibly from a car of some sort. She moved the piece she had stepped on against the maze floor and it made a similar noise as before. "What_ is_ this?" Her body began to hurt in different places, first her head, then her arms, and down from there. The dark walls of the maze began to swirl around her, and Quinn tried holding herself up. It didn't take long for the dizziness to take control, and she felt herself wobbling around in an attempt to walk past the jagged metallic pieces littered before her. The dizziness subsided long enough for Quinn to prop herself up against one of the maze walls, but when it returned, it brought along a nosebleed, and then everything went black.

Quinn found herself in a dress shop, filled with white wedding dresses and other expensive-looking dresses of many different colors. She sat on a small couch in the middle of the store, staring at the mirror nearby. _What am I doing here? _As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Rachel made her way over to where Quinn was, dressed in a simple wedding gown. She was trying a few on for fitting purposes and whatnot, since her wedding day was fast approaching, and as Rachel approached, Quinn felt a fire in her chest as she looked the brunette over. "Rachel… you look beautiful."

"Thank you, Quinn," Rachel said with a sheepish smile. "You don't look too bad yourself."

Quinn glanced down at herself and noticed that she was still wearing the same pink dress she'd had on when she was in the maze and before that. She bit her lip, wondering if this was just another weird vision, or if it was a memory, like one of those elusive flashes she'd seen a few times at each dead end of the currently absent maze.

"Quinn," Rachel spoke after being looked over by a forgettable saleswoman, "Maybe it's a bad idea for me to bring this up now, but… I want to make sure you're really comfortable with this."

"What? What do you mean?" Quinn's voice sounded strangely defensive.

Rachel shifted her gaze to the ground. "I know that you haven't been the most supportive of our decision to get married… and I heard some of the girls talking earlier. Santana was talking about how you said—"

"'I'm not gonna stand around and watch you ruin your life by marrying _Finn Hudson?_' Is that what you heard?" Quinn stood up and shook her head, laughing to herself, "You're right. I _did_ say that. I said it because it's true. I told Santana because I was so _frustrated_… I should've known she wouldn't have been able to keep her mouth shut..." She paused briefly and locked eyes with Rachel, "He's wrong for you, Rachel. I can't watch you go through with this!"

"Well, if you feel that way, Quinn, then… as much as it pains me to say this… please, _don't_ come to the wedding. I'm going to marry Finn, nothing will change that."

Quinn hung her head. "Well I wish you both the best." She stormed out of the store without a second thought, and she left with both the clothes she had come in with and the pink bridesmaid dress on her person. She walked to her car, which was parked in front of the shop, and cried like she never had before.

Trying to blink the tears from her eyes, Quinn found herself back in the maze with warm, salty tears falling down her cheeks. _Was that a… memory? I was there, but the things I said, it was like they were pre-programmed in me. Even if I'd wanted to, I don't think I could have said anything differently…_ She waited there in the maze for a few moments, trying to control her breathing and wiping the remaining tears from her face. As she began to move again, an image of Rachel flashed through her mind like before, but this time it was followed by more.

Quinn saw expressions of happiness, sadness, triumph, disappointment, anger, composure, and many others… it was as if someone had studied Rachel intently for a long time and knew all of her facial expressions and body language. It was as if these flashes were reminders to Quinn that maybe, just maybe, Rachel was more than just another face. _She _is_ more than that… she's a good friend… no, she's more than that even! I… I think I remember now! _"I've wanted to tell her for so long… tell her the truth."

Quinn's epiphany was brief, for she found herself in another dimly lit place. It looked like the school auditorium, only there was a dense fog hanging above her head and an air of sadness and regret that filled the nearly empty space.

"You messed up." The voice sounded oddly familiar to Quinn. In fact, it sounded like _hers. _Quinn turned toward it and saw a mirror in the distance. Quinn walked carefully over to the mirror at the center of the stage and saw herself, except her reflection was wearing a Cheerios uniform. Quinn glanced down at herself and noticed that she was still wearing her dress. _This isn't my reflection, is it…?_

Without warning, the mirror shattered and the other Quinn remained where the mirror had been, her arms at her sides, staring at Quinn with a steely gaze.

"W-what do you mean I 'messed up'?" Quinn spoke before the other Quinn had time to add anything to her previous statement.

"You didn't tell her when you had the chance. You ran away every time you had an opportunity. Why?"

Quinn bit her lip, now knowing the answer to her double's question. "I… was afraid every time. And now, I know for sure that she's in love with someone else. I just… have to respect that, right?"

"Do you really?"

"Really _what?_"

"Do you really know she's in love with someone else? Do you really have to just give up here?"

Quinn looked away from her double. "W-well, I don't know. I think… my heart doesn't want to give up, but my mind says it's best to let her go… I can't force her to hear me out."

"But she's the only one who can get you out of here," the double said.

"What?"

"There isn't anything or anyone that is binding you to life more than Rachel, so if you give up on her then—"

"So I'm… dead?"

The other Quinn shrugged. "I can't say for sure. The only things I know for certain are your true feelings, the ones you've shut away, the ones you're remembering now, because you've been too afraid to accept them." She smiled softly at Quinn and spoke again, "There's nothing else for me to say, the rest is up to you. Good luck."

The other Quinn stepped closer and gently turned Quinn around. Pushing her gently, the double and the auditorium gradually disappeared, replaced by the walls of the steely maze. Quinn stood in place for a moment, trying to recall any more memories, but to no avail. She decided to move forward, holding onto Rachel's image in her mind and the warmth that she felt just by thinking of her. _I won't give up now. I'll find you Rachel, and I'll tell you everything I've wanted to say. I won't hold back… I just hope you can forgive me._

After a while, the dark, metallic color of the maze walls was finally illuminated by the whiteness that Quinn had originally found herself in before stumbling upon the labyrinth. Quinn had finally done it; she had found the exit from that strange place of lost memories. Picking up her pace, she jogged out of the maze and watched as the bizarre obstruction disappeared behind her, leaving no trace of its existence. The singing that had been relatively absent when she was in the maze returned, and Quinn gritted her teeth, pressing onward into the whiteness. She could feel that she was close to her goal and as she walked Quinn attempted to fight back her growing anxiety about what lay ahead.

_We'll love until the end of time_

_And we'll never be lonely anymore…_

The singing increased in volume, and at that moment it sounded as if she were standing right next to the singers. But there was nothing there, just more of the same whiteness. Quinn looked around, trying to find the source of the disembodied voices, but with no luck. As she returned her gaze straight ahead, Quinn noticed a small, dark object in the distance. She walked carefully closer to it, and the figure began to take a distinct shape, looking more like a person. The singing continued as if the invisible singers were walking in time with Quinn, and as she reached the figure, she finally recognized who it was. It was Rachel standing at an altar, wearing a wedding dress and veil that almost matched the whiteness of the place they were in. She held a small bouquet of pink flowers and watched Quinn with bright, grinning eyes. The intensity of the voices increased, and Quinn almost had to cover her ears. She stared at the girl standing just out of her reach and realized that perhaps _this_ was her opportunity to make everything right.

"I've been waiting for you," Rachel said softly, as the singing temporarily lulled.

"What?"

"You said you were on your way, so I've been waiting. I knew you'd make it." She smiled shyly. "Now are you ready to say 'I do?'"

Quinn smiled back and walked a few steps closer to Rachel. She prayed for that moment to be real, but at the same time, her surroundings were so oppressively bizarre, she feared it was some sort of dream, that this had all been some sort of weird dream. Without much thought, Quinn spoke ecstatically, "Yes! Yes…Oh Rachel, I…!" Before she could finish her sentence, the singing increased in volume, nearly crushing Quinn to the ground. _Crushing… Oh no…_ She gasped as the memories leading up to her current predicament finally flooded her mind. She _was _on her way, on her way to Rachel's wedding… with a plan. She planned to make up for all the times she could've told Rachel the truth but didn't, and as she drove to her destination, Quinn realized that she was scared out of her mind. She was already late, no thanks to her waffling back and forth, unsure whether or not it would be best to go to the wedding. After their disagreement, Quinn had asked Rachel's permission to attend, wanting to see her happy, even though her happiness would be almost unbearable to watch. When it happened, when Quinn was crushed between the hard, painted metallic frame of the truck and the part of herself that kept telling her she shouldn't have waited as long as she did, every encounter she'd had with Rachel flashed before her eyes, and she watched as their relationship progressed from enemies to acquaintances to friends, and as Quinn watched her memories slip away she hoped that maybe they could find each other in another life, and that maybe things would work out differently.

The whiteness began to fade, along with the vision of Rachel in her wedding dress, smiling sadly in Quinn's direction. The singing voices returned in a brief crescendo and then fell to a ghostly echo as the blackness enveloped her. Quinn felt like she was falling as she relived the moments leading up to her blunder again and again. As she continued to sink in the dark bog of her regret, Quinn wondered if she had messed up her only chance to fix things, and if everyone she saw in the maze, insisting that she indeed had another chance, had been wrong.

A single thought, a ray of hope, entered her mind: _But did they really go through with the wedding?_ Quinn realized that until that point, she hadn't even considered that to be an option. She then supposed it was a possibility, since neither Rachel nor Finn was heartless enough to speak their vows while one of their peers was left alone miles away. Quinn had to find the answer to that question; she wouldn't just let everything end here, wherever this was. The singing continued, and its eeriness in the dark space continued to make Quinn feel uneasy. She saw the image of Rachel in her wedding dress again and felt an overwhelming sadness. "If I see her again, do I even have a chance…?" Quinn's voice echoed in the darkness, becoming distorted and mixed with the endless singing voices of her absent friends.

_Going to the chapel and we're_

_Gonna get married…_

Quinn opened her eyes, and everything was white.

_Going to the chapel of love…_


End file.
